How To Annoy your XO…
Back when I was a young officer and member of the JOPA (junior officer protection association), it was us against the field grade. The follow list is a collection of things you can do to annoy your Executive Officer. Our XO in my first fleet Squadron was a real piece of work. His job was the “bad cop” and he played it well. Lets say that his name was Major Ima Pain, call sign “Sunshine” because of the stuff he didn’t blow up your rear. Funny thing is I got along with him great because I figured out that if you gave him crap back he left you alone.
It was our job as the junior company grade officers to harass him as much as we could possibly get away with. So, this is a short list of what you can do to drive your XO nuts and things that we did. Of course, I didn’t do anything, but am just passing on things that others did. Feel free to do the same things to your XO if you would like, and leave me some stories at ‘Thesandgram’ at yahoo dot com, and I will put together a collection of stories for the blog.
1. Have the boys down in the flight equipment shop make up a set of name tags with his name on it but with your rank. Then when you go on the road (trip) you put his name on your flight suit and jacket. This works wonders when word gets back to the Squadron about the wild antics of Lt. Ima Pain in the Rota O’Club.
2. When he is on leave, put his house up for sale. The next day when he returns to work…priceless!
3. If he is follicly challenged and does the comb-over, go to yard sales and buy broken hair dryers, then leave them on top of his wall locker in the shower room.
4. Also, half used bottles of hotel shampoo work well placed on his locker.
5. When no one is around, change his callsign on the Squadron Ops board from “SunShine” to “Santa” or “Tigger” or “Teddy Bear” something that a kinder gentler type guy would like.
6. If you have friends in the police office, pass and tags division, then snag a couple of Generals Stars that you put on the windshield next to his DOD sticker of his beat up old crappy Volvo. Going from a Major to a General isn’t too bad…
7. Put a glass half full of milk on the bottom shelf of his book case. It will take him about a week to figure out that smell.
8. Put some hard core Italian Porno mags in his suitcase while his bags are strapped down in the back of the cargo bay, only on the last leg of the trip right before you land.
9. Wait about three months when he stops searching his suitcases after a trip and then sneak some gay porn in his bag…Then imagine what excuses he is telling his wife that night…
10. Sneak in his office and write “Gay national pride day” on every third Friday of each month.
11. Leave bottles of butter milk in the fridge down in the ready room with his name on it.
12. Always spell his name wrong on the flight schedule to Ime Paine.
13. Leave a post it note on his desk with a message to call the Group C.O. at a certain number and then go to each place and have them say “Sir, he was just here and left for the base barber shop, call him at 919-466-6079, then have Moe over at the shop send him to the seven day store, etc. etc. etc. this one takes some coordination but is lots of fun.
14. Put your empty beer cans in his office trash can.
15. Finally, give his name out to all the nasty local gals you meet in Havelock NC at the local Men’s club…with his office phone number and say “Give me a shout and we’ll meet for lunch.”
Well, I have to fly to England and Norway, you guys have a great week and I’ll catch you on the flip side.
The SandGram 
October 9, 2006 at 9:20 pm
Hey Taco,
How is it that I don’t believe that “you” didn’t do any of that stuff. I can’t see you being so innocent. LOL
October 10, 2006 at 12:19 am
Thanks for the laughs and ideas to pass along to those who can use them.
Safe flights!
October 10, 2006 at 12:36 am
LOVE IT!
When I worked for a law enforcement agency, we would leave msgs for officers to call Myra Mains and the number would be to the hospital morgue.
Or have them call Bob Khatt at the zoo.
When a major was promoted to LT COL, i sent him a huge bouquet of pink carnations from Ben Dover at the National Gay and Lesbian Coalition.
Oh, but I miss those days!
I did send a gay magazine to a soldier in training at Camp Atterbury. It was hidden inside the cover of an American Curves. One of the guys was forewarned about the package being on its way, so there was quite a crowd on hand when the package arrived. He opened up the Curves magazine and found, uh, other things instead!
And then, there’s always the priceless and so much fun… Operation Fat Panties!!!! A couple of you on here know what I’m talking about!
October 10, 2006 at 2:57 am
YOU never did any of these things? Sure Taco, we believe you. What a hoot! I especially like the message from the Group CO. Ha ha!
Hope you’ll be home for Halloween. Looking forward to stories about your concrete mailbox. 🙂
Happy landings!
October 10, 2006 at 4:37 am
Practical jokes and pranks seem beneath you Taco…LOL! Going to England!?!? Your not headed to Duxford for the Airshow on the 14th are you?
October 10, 2006 at 5:12 am
Fun stories from Major Taco and mrs.455. I wonder if our newest gerberhead reads this blog. He may be unduly influenced.
October 10, 2006 at 3:59 pm
Well Mrs. 455 is as funny as Taco. Her gerberhead’s unit is gonna be in for some real treats !!!
Keep it up, Taco (figuratively speaking).
Rgnsxuiq – raging sex up in Quantico ????? Those word verifies continue to befuckle !!!
October 10, 2006 at 7:45 pm
You are a naughty, naughty boy, Taco…
*GRIN*
October 10, 2006 at 9:49 pm
Hi everyone! Just wanted to give you all the news that I received my calendar today from the printer in Ft. Worth and it is absolutely beautiful!! Taco called yesterday when he picked up his to sign and although he said it was awesome, I couldn’t say anything until I had one in hand, too! You all will love it when yours arrives! I can’t wait til they go out for it was all of you who gave such great ideas for it!
Thanks so much to Nancy Ryan of AnySoldier and our own Gunnutt!! Job well done!
October 11, 2006 at 1:15 am
Actually, I believe Taco when he says he didn’t pull any of the pranks. He just came up with the ideas and got others to do the dirty deeds!
Taco Mama, you deserve all the credit on the calendars!!!!
October 11, 2006 at 1:26 am
That’s hilarious. But Taco, there are no “nasty local gals” in Havelock. LMAO…
October 11, 2006 at 1:55 am
OK Taco’s Mama and GunnNutt – Don’t make me have to referee this. DO NOT MAKE ME! You BOTH, as well as others, deserved MUCH MUCH thanks and credit for the calendar. So, JUST STOP IT!!!
Tee hee!
Hugs and thanks to you two! Can’t wait to get mine!
October 11, 2006 at 4:56 am
I feel the same way Leta. I was really hoping for a calendar for a long time and Nancy and these wonderful ladies made it possible even with or without the helmits. I can hardly believe it. I’ll be waiting at the mailbox everyday an hour early to be sure mine don’t get snowed on.We’ve got snow on the way and the mailman never learned how to close the mailbox. Which reminds me Taco, when’s the Mailbox Part II story?
October 11, 2006 at 12:09 pm
Karen – are you suggesting there MIGHT be a “without helmuts” pic???? A girl can only imagine ….
Mama T, GunnNutt and Nancy – thank you again and again for making this happen. And let us know what the $$$ tally is for AnySoldier. Sometime early next year, we should all brainstorm ways we can increase next year’s sales. I’ve got a few ideas and I’m sure others do, too, and starting early will ensure we can organize and execute!!
Is there a picture of you three Superwomen in the calendar?? If that was a detail you missed in all the HARD work poring through those hundreds of snapshots of…men…in…uniform…, please remember next year to snap one of yourselves for posterity. Of course next year the pic will include Wang II if Kilo-Alpha gets her way………….
Taco – I hope you have a good Norway story when you get back.
October 11, 2006 at 7:10 pm
It sounds like they may have to do a second printing once people get to see the calendars. As far as Wang II goes, he wanted to be in there to show what he’s got and it may not be that type of calendar. The fact that he would be honored to be in it even as a token civilian was a pretext of his. There for until he changes his attitude,I will not recommend him as a model for next years'(sorry, everyone). Right now he is banned from the computer for sneaking on a couple weeks ago before the ban was lifted so now its been extended. Off to drive to the mailbox(rain and sleet right now)to wait for my calendars.
My goodness me. I have to type in fqqux. I keep saying I don’t have an ex. (not to mention the language implied, here). This is another one for someone else. Fess up again, someone. Please, I’m dying of curiosity.
October 11, 2006 at 7:27 pm
Ladies, I know a practical joke that one of Taco’s buddies pulled on HIM that almost gave ME a heart attack thinking that the MPs were on their way to arrest him. I told both boys that they had better NEVER do that to me again. Since I had known the other Marine since he was 14, I felt like I could talk to him like I would my own!
But that’s not what I meant to say!! Have you seen the hat that is signed by both Taco and Major Pain? It’s up for grabs on Anysoldier!! The only way I knew it was up there was when I went to order some more calendars for my neighbors!!
October 11, 2006 at 7:28 pm
OOPS, I didn’t mean for the above message to look like Taco sent it!! Sorry!!!
October 12, 2006 at 1:46 am
Mama T – You didn’t tell us what the practical joke was. Me ‘n the boys are real concerned about your “almost” heart attack ‘n all but for Pete’s sake, tell us what happened. Hurry! Before Taco gets home and bans you from the comments!!!!!!!!!
October 12, 2006 at 3:29 am
I say send them dog chew toys in their pkgs…….Maj Pain!
October 12, 2006 at 6:42 am
If the XO has one of those nifty office chairs that has an “air cylinder” under it for going up and down, disassembling it, and putting about a half cup of raw shrimp in it works great. In about 12 hours, the aroma is just priceless. He’ll never figure out where it’s coming from….er, I mean…so I’m told.
October 12, 2006 at 10:46 am
15. Finally, give his name out to all the nasty local gals you meet in Havelock NC at the local Men’s club…with his office phone number and say “Give me a shout and we’ll meet for lunch.”
That was entirely too funny! Havelock’s Men’s clubs are almost as bad as Jacksonvilles.
October 12, 2006 at 4:20 pm
Funny thing Taco…first, you put up this post, then you mention that you have to leave the country! One can only wonder if there might be a connection:)
October 14, 2006 at 1:52 am
I know you all have ordered your AnySoldier calendars….but here’s another group of Marines doing a calendar…you don’t have to purchase to see the pics…nice church lady browsing…not “our” guys…but…no helmets here either…right Karen I?!?….check it out… http://www.freedomisnotfree.com/Calendar.aspx
October 14, 2006 at 5:51 am
Very nice church lady browsing. Thanks, Bridget!
October 14, 2006 at 4:09 pm
I don’t reckon you ladies noticed whether those calendars have any numbers printed anywhere? I’ve looked at it a few times now and I just don’t remember anything but pictures! 😉
October 14, 2006 at 4:43 pm
Who needs numbers? We’ve already got our calendars. Plus, they probably realized that it doesn’t matter too much about the numbers.
October 14, 2006 at 4:46 pm
I meant ordered, I haven’t actually gotten mine yet. Still waiting by the mailbox everyday.
October 14, 2006 at 6:21 pm
numbers? They are supposed to have numbers>?? Ohhhhhh! Didn’t notice!
October 14, 2006 at 8:40 pm
I agree with Bridget. But I still say there’s a market for guys with helmets (like our Major Taco Rolemodel in the April posting) and no hands and no numbers. There have got to be 12 Patriots willing to do it for the cause.This would be in addition to the current typed calendar, of course.
October 15, 2006 at 8:41 pm
The afore mentioned anonymous was me,in case nobody guessed. The only trick I played on anyone was leaving zucchini on somebody’s porch when they were’nt home but I guess that’s so common that they have a holiday for that now. It would be hard to beat Taco and Mrs.455!
October 16, 2006 at 2:09 am
WHOA!!!!!!
All I know is they are packing some MIGHTY FINE six packs IF YA KNOW WHAT I MEAN. That’s the only number I’m seein’.
Yes Yes Yes I’ll be true to our anysoldier calendar. No harm in looking at the, uh, competition though, is there???
October 16, 2006 at 4:02 pm
Ms B’having….you KNOW you did more than LOOK!!
Rumor has it there are women licking their ‘puter screens all over the country! This calendar is DANGEROUS.
I already ordered three. *sigh*
October 16, 2006 at 5:36 pm
Ms Ain’t Behavin’, I can’t order any as my calendar fund is exhausted, and I now have a propellar fund. Licking the computer, now that is gross. I only kiss the computer because I have class.
October 16, 2006 at 5:53 pm
I dunno church ladies… I’m thinkin’ Miss B’having is seeing two numbers… she was just too shy to mention the “9”….
October 16, 2006 at 6:30 pm
**Word just in** Contrary to an email that’s going around, MARINES invented the Tootsie Pop, not Vin Diesel! The number of licks it takes to get to the center is equal to the Marine’s social security number. If the exact number is achieved, you will be granted eternal life….or at least you’ll feel like it! *purrrr*
October 16, 2006 at 6:34 pm
OMG…church is out today huh?
October 16, 2006 at 6:34 pm
lick…. lick…. lick…..
Just be careful with those teeth, Marine. A little love nip is fine, but the chomp the Owl gave the Tootsie Pop just isn’t my bag.
October 16, 2006 at 7:13 pm
I just got my calendar!!! It’s awesome!!!
October 16, 2006 at 7:21 pm
Who knew …. Tootsie Pops have always been my favorite candy LIK LIK LIK
Eternal bliss through Social Security Numbers??? I just like a Marine who whispers dirty – you know – name rank and serial number……..purrrrrrrr
AF Sis – you’re Soooooo Bad, Girlfriend.
October 16, 2006 at 7:24 pm
I’m real concerned and I’m praying for all you ladies.
Praying you ask MY social security number, that is.
October 16, 2006 at 7:43 pm
*grin*
I’m not as innocent as my brown eyes would suggest…..
Keep prayin’ Grunt. It’s good for you.
October 16, 2006 at 7:46 pm
Cheryl Ann! The anysoldier one??
October 16, 2006 at 8:07 pm
Nobody told me about this “alternative calendar”!!! Now all the Church Ladies have been corrupted all over again. Jeepers, it took me weeks to get them back to the sewing table after Taco’s famous helmit pic.
I had to find out on FreeRepublic of all places. Shame!
Bad Boy! CG. Put that SSN down!
October 16, 2006 at 8:21 pm
Mrs. Diva –
I’m betting Cheryl Ann is talking about the Six-Pack calendar. No doubt she paid extra to have ’em Express Mail overnighted to her. Some girls just can’t delay their gratification.
GunnNutt – you are so funny. Always “late to the party” and wide-eyedly befuckled about how debauched we Church Ladies can be.
Why don’t you put a goody bag on the sewing table of … well… we’ve talked about enough goodies that you get the picture (or the calendar). That’d bring us back to the sewing circle real quick.
Taco better head on back from Norway and put a cork in these comments.
October 16, 2006 at 8:25 pm
Let me see, 6 + 9, what does that add up to? Hmmm…..69!What does that mean? Must be a special Marine secret forces code.They don’t teach us that in divinity school.
October 16, 2006 at 8:35 pm
After looking at these FINE young men, the only thing I can think of church related is Confession!
GN, are you telling CG to put it down, or wite it down? And you act soooo innocent:)
October 16, 2006 at 9:10 pm
GunnNutt’s at the party??
OK now I’m on my knees praying…… dammit where’s my social security card……..
October 16, 2006 at 9:37 pm
HOLY $%&#, ummm I mean COW! I go away for a few minutes to do legitimate work, and come back to find that lightning might strike Taco’s site!
CG..what kind of example are you? Get off your knees before Taco comes home and finds you like that!
Taco better get here soon….. I know this stuff is gonna worry him cause he has DAUGHTERS:):):)
October 16, 2006 at 9:53 pm
Yo AF Sis – (squawk)
BABE – I got your (squawk) number. D’ya copy??? (squawk).
WHOA Start prayin’
October 16, 2006 at 9:54 pm
Mrs. Diva –
legitimate business???
You are so full of …. COW
October 16, 2006 at 10:13 pm
Listen up U Know Who…it was legitimate work! REALLY:) Ask Bridget, or Karen, or GN, or Sis. Awww crap never mind.
October 16, 2006 at 10:30 pm
Legit? Hmmmm I don’t know….
HEY I got my AnySoldier Calendars today!!!!HAPPY DANCE!!!
Thank you to GN and Mama Taco and all who worked so hard on them!
October 16, 2006 at 10:47 pm
OMG! Yesterday when I checked there were 31 comments. I check tonight and you guys have been NAUGHTY and I’m so po’d that I missed out! Dang it!
You know..to raise money for anysoldier/anymarine, we should asked some of our guys here to put up some photos of themselves for us to bid on!
I didn’t buy a new horse this summer, so my ‘horse’ fund can still go to another ‘stud’ …ah…picture of course!
And I haven’t gotten my calendars yet! (pout)
Oh..Major Pain…Operation Fat Panties should fell another victim tomorrow! (evil laugh)
October 16, 2006 at 11:00 pm
Mrs. 455 – you never know where or when that naughty bird is gonna land, but one thing’s for sure – AFSis will be “flying with the bird”.
Actually two thing’s for sure – GN (bless her ever-sewin’ heart) will be late to the party.
October 16, 2006 at 11:31 pm
The calendars are apparently not being sent to those of us in the western part of the country:( SammyD we might have to get the “other” kind.
October 17, 2006 at 12:03 am
Hey ladies,
Easy!!!! Easy!!!! I can’t believe you are putting this Xrated stuff on such a rated G site… ha!! You guys crack me up…
For the Wash board bodies, go buy that Marine Recon product… they don’t want the fat bodied Major Pilots on that copy!! ha!!
Take care,
Taco
October 17, 2006 at 12:31 am
RE:
AnySoldier/Marine.com Calendar verses Freedom Is Not Free Marine Calendar.
There is No doubt which Calendar of “Real Active Enlisted” is the number 1 choice to display with Honor in one’s Home.
I’m glad to see that Anysoldier.com did not go the way that the other Marine calendar went.
Like to see MAJ Bell and MAJ B go on the “Today Show” to promote the calendar just as the other Marines did for their calendar.
Just a thought…
October 17, 2006 at 12:36 am
Someone’s got to maintain decorum on this site! The author certainly won’t since he’s always in the air and he’s blocked Mama from anything but commenting. From the looks of it, Taco is now encouraging this perfidity!
I was trying to get Concerned Grunt to put his SSN away and stop teasing the Church Ladies. They put away their “seein’ up close” spectacles and got out the field glasses, pushing a shoving each other to see the number on his card!
I’m going to have to buy a few of those Marine Recon calendars to lure the old biddies back to the table. (Yeah, that’s the ticket! It’s for the Church Ladies *snicker*) Oh, hush!
October 17, 2006 at 12:39 am
Psssst – CT Annie – What were the Marines wearing on the Today show?
October 17, 2006 at 12:51 am
Heck, I can’t get those beefcake calendars….I’m saving up to outbid Karen I!
October 17, 2006 at 1:18 am
If you read the “Day by Day” cartoons…go look at today’s (Mon)
they must be reading this blog LOL
http://daybydaycartoon.com/
October 17, 2006 at 1:29 am
CT Annie – well now you’ve made me realize that I must stop having fun and do my duty. As a longtime AnyS supporter, I MUST buy ALL the Six-Pack calendars to get them out of the marketplace. That way, even the debauched Church Ladies will have to walk the straight and narrow. Yup it’s my duty. Puttin’ in my order for ALL of ’em right now.
And what WERE those honey-LIKS wearing on the Today show? I bet Katie Couric is gnashing in her knickers that she left before that interview!!!!!!!!!
GN can I borrow your field glasses?
October 17, 2006 at 1:31 am
Ooooooh GN, excellent question! We can only imagine:) *sigh*
October 17, 2006 at 1:52 am
Well, if I get my wayward neices beefcake calendars for Christmas, I can take it out of the Christmas Club and still have my proplellor fund in tact.The non-wayward niece (just one )can have one of the unsigned any soldier ones (I keep the signed one).Sounds like a plan, and I DO want what Taco promised us.
Sorry, I can’t vouch for Mrs. Diva as she insulted the Packer Cheerleaders over at the Cookiecrumbexpress.com blog.
October 17, 2006 at 1:54 am
What would your mothers think? Bad girls…….Taco run for the Mtns, they have you no helmet pic!
October 17, 2006 at 2:00 am
Karen – that sounds like sound financial planning, and combining it with gift giving…. I’m impressed with your multitasking savvy.
October 17, 2006 at 2:55 am
I must say that I am disappointed that the calendars being mailed to the Midwest didn’t arrive today! Well, I can still dream tonight! Honey, where is your tootsie pop?
October 17, 2006 at 3:35 am
Thankyou Sammy D., and there is even more multitasking involved to inspect the full-sized pictures for quality control at the printers. If sealed when they come, I’ll have to open all of them ahead of time so no one asked why hers was sealed and the other ones was not, or else I could use the vaccuum pack sealer I used on the ears of corn. Well nuf said by me.
October 17, 2006 at 3:13 pm
OK, that’s it!!! Who has the connections out there to put Maj Pain and Maj Taco on Good morning America or Fox news???? Someone out there knows someone. Let us know, I say Dress Blues or Mess Dress, what do you think Major Pain???
s/f
Taco
(stuck in St Johns but internet friendly)
October 17, 2006 at 3:26 pm
Why Taco aren’t you lucky comment “69”!
October 17, 2006 at 4:58 pm
BUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA… Commenter #69… SO perfect.
As for the rest of it, I must confess I was more than a bit naughty yesterday and was encouraged by at least one of the church ladies. Heh. Sometimes, I’m easy.
October 17, 2006 at 5:17 pm
Why bless his heart! He did draw the lucky number, didn’t he? LOL
Uh Sis? I have NO idea who encouraged you, but “Sometimes, I’m easy.” *snort* SOMETIMES? *snicker*
October 18, 2006 at 2:16 am
Well, it’s true. I’m very hard (headed) with a *lot* of soft edges… hehe
October 18, 2006 at 2:18 am
Yes! The anysoldier calendar. Sorry I didn’t get back to you sooner! It is really cool! Hope you all get yours soon too!