The SandGram

Sgt. Mad Dog Tracy’s Fiction about the TSA trip home

TSA and Soldiers Returning Home From Afghanistan‏

Everyone loves a good story and I am telling you right now that this letter being sent around the world by a fictional Soldier named Mad Dog Tracy is a total work of fiction.  First of all, the TSA rescinded the nail clippers stupid stuff years ago (yes they broke off the little file part on my clippers after 9-11, but didn’t keep them) and there is not a TSA agent in the nation who will take your nailclippers unless you have a blade welded to it.  I go through and deal with TSA on a weekly basis as a pilot for a Major Airline.  I have seen some dumb sh** over the years in the name of security like the day I forgot to take out my big shaving cream can and they took it when I was non revving to DC to see my folks in civies or the awesome cigar lighter I forgot in my bag.  I made a mistake, they have a crappy job to do and now some smuck in Palm Springs is lighting his cigars up with my lighter probably.

TSA wouldn’t order the unloading of all the cargo/bags, it would be customs and since it cleared the Gov’t customs in Kuwait, they are good to go. I have done the trip home from Iraq once and Afghanistan twice.  I can tell you that we carried our weapons on the Continental 757 charter direct to Cherry Point and the bags were offloaded there.  We broke down in Shannon Ireland and we left our weapons on the airplane with a couple of Marines standing guard. Coming home from Afghanistan, they had everyone turn in their weapons in Kuwait and the charter took us to BWI.  We cleared customs no problem because of the thorough anal cavity probes we received during the customs inspections in Kuwait (which I wrote about here) and then back through security to get on our planes to the different cities.  The whole time TSA was thanking us for our service and what we had done.

 This letter reminds me of the Capt at Bagram in 08 who wrote this bullsh** letter about Obama and what he did on his visit.  I read the letter and then checked my sipr side where I had his complete schedule (we had a part in putting it together at the Embassy) I got this letter four times in an hour from the states and had to reply to everyone that you know where I stand on politics but none of it was true as much as I would like to say yes.  The dumbsh** Capt, can’t remember if he was 82 or 101st sent this letter to his family with his whole friggin signature block filled out, dsn/cell/work area etc. He was relieved and sent home. They wanted to fry his arse but the letter was sent to his family and not the media or bloggers. It went viral and the JAG said since the letter was intended for family he couldn’t be charged but I bet a hundred bucks his career was ended over poor “Judgment” and that is one of those things where an email has a half life of an atom!

The Guard denies this happened and like most good stories, some kid wrote this and it went viral. I can tell you that it is complete fiction.  When you get this, please hit reply all on the email and then link this post so that they may pass on my message.  I like to see folks get hammered when they deserve it, but in this case, they (the TSA) are getting a bad rap from someone who may have written this from the security of his momma’s basement while drinking the hot coco she just brought down while working on the next skill set of his new “Call to duty” Black Ops game.

Here is the fiction that I have received 9 times in the last two days.

Heloooooooooooooooooo  

Is there ANYONE at TSA with a brain??????????

As the Chalk Leader for my flight home from Afghanistan, I witnessed the following:

When we were on our way back from Afghanistan, we flew out of Baghram Air Field. We went through customs at BAF, full body scanners (no groping), had all of our bags searched, the whole nine yards.

Our first stop was Shannon, Ireland to refuel. After that, we had to stop at Indianapolis, Indiana to drop off about 100 folks from the Indiana National Guard.  That’s where the stupid started.

First, everyone was forced to get off the plane-even though the plane wasn’t refueling again.  All 330 people got off that plane, rather than let the 100 people from the ING get off. We were filed from the plane to a holding area.  No vending machines, no means of escape.  Only a male/female latrine.

It’s probably important to mention that we were ALL carrying weapons.  Everyone was carrying an M4 Carbine (rifle) and some, like me, were also carrying an M9 pistol. Oh, and our gunners had M-240B machine guns. Of course, the weapons weren’t loaded. And we had been cleared of all ammo well before we even got to customs at Baghram, then AGAIN at customs.

The TSA personnel at the airport seriously considered making us unload all of the baggage from the SECURE cargo hold to have it reinspected. Keep in mind, this cargo had been unpacked, inspected piece by piece by U.S. Customs officials, resealed and had bomb-sniffing dogs give it a one-hour run through. After two hours of sitting in this holding area, the TSA decided not to reinspect our Cargo-just to inspect us again:
Soldiers on the way home from war, who had already been inspected, reinspected and kept in a SECURE holding area for 2 hours.  Ok, whatever.

So we lined up to go through security AGAIN. This is probably another good time to remind you all that all of us were
carrying actual assault rifles, and some of us were also carrying
pistols.

So we’re in line, going through one at a time. One of our Soldiers had his Gerber multi-tool. TSA confiscated it. Kind of ridiculous, but it gets better. A few minutes later, a guy empties his pockets and has a pair of nail clippers.  Nail clippers. TSA informs the Soldier thatthey’re going to confiscate his nail clippers. The conversation went something like this:

TSA Guy: You can’t take those on the plane.

Soldier: What? I’ve had them since we left country.

TSA Guy: You’re not suppose to have them.

Soldier: Why?

TSA Guy: They can be used as a weapon.

Soldier: [touches butt stock of the rifle]  But this actually is a
weapon and I’m allowed to take it on.

TSA Guy: Yeah but you can’t use it to take over the plane. You don’t have bullets.

Soldier: And I can take over the plane with nail clippers?

TSA Guy: [awkward silence]

Me:  Dude, just give him your damn nail clippers so we can get the f**k out of here.  I’ll buy you a new set.

Soldier: [hands nail clippers to TSA guy, makes it through security] To top it off, the TSA demanded we all be swabbed for “explosive residue” detection.   Everyone failed, [go figure, we just came home from a war zone], because we tested positive for “Gun Powder Residue”.   Who the F**K is hiring these people?

This might be a good time to remind everyone that approximately 233 people re-boarded that plane with assault rifles, pistols, and machine guns-but nothing that could have been used as a weapon.   Can someone please tell me What the F**K  happened to OUR country while we were gone?

Sgt. Mad Dog Tracy

Tags: Afghanistan, Fiction story about coming home, Sgt. Mad Dog Tracy, TSA, TSA and Soldiers Returning Home From Afghanistan‏