The SandGram

Old Iraqi post

This was a letter that I found from TQ Iraq in 05.  It started from something I witnessed one night and got me thinking. Of course this is my fantasy of what happens to the smucks who build the bombs…          

  Lately we have seen a number of Terrorist IED’s going off prematurely (premature Detention).  I did a little research and after hanging out in a local Mosque off base I found the answer.  How could I do such a thing???  It was easy to talk to these guys, I just printed up some fake press cred’s from the L.A. times on the computer. They treated me like a long lost brother and after eating some roasted goat and drinking tea with these bubba’s I have found out what their problem is.   I met a student fresh from graduation and about to take his FINAL exam.  Mohammad Ackmed Jabooty-fas-extreme, told me that while attending terrorist school they also have to go to prayer like 5 times a day.  It’s after the noon prayer on Fridays when they get all worked up to go Jihad on some unsuspecting infidel; they just sort of forget what they learned in their week of terrorist training camp. 

 I can imagine what the inner thoughts of these guys are, something along the lines of “Oh pray be to Allah, thank you for letting me take myself out of the gene pool, I will serve you…Camel dung, I know they said to place the red wire on the positive terminal.  Is that right? No, did they say right on red?  No that was traffic school.  Rats, what was that little silly poem they gave me?  What aren’t the leaders out here doing this?  Why aren’t they putting these wires together?  Oh yeah, I forgot they say their turn is next week.  What was that poem now? Red on yellow, see your virgins flower.  No, that’s not right…” 

            This guy is now pitting his shirt wishing he had studied harder instead of reading the Koran and playing hide the sausage with his lab partner Ackmed.  His buddy is on the look out for any Marines coming down the road.  Unknown to them they are being observed and their actions recorded by a high flying UAV overhead.  In a trailer a few hundred miles away, two Marines are watching these guys do their little their little dance around the hole on their giant flat screen T.V. screen.  The Marine on the left points at the guy next to the bomb, “hey zoom in on that guy” as the picture expands in enough to read the time on his watch, he says “Look at that, I think he’s about to put the wrong wire on the positive terminal.” 

            Back at the hole on the side of the road, Omar walks up to his buddy and says, “Hurry, Hurry, I don’t like being out here this long!!  Besides my tea is getting cold Hurry!!  His buddy makes the fateful decision, “yes this must be the right one!”  Then everything disappears in a cloud of dust as these two chuckleheads are atomized into little tiny pieces of sand.  The two Marines in the control center comment to the Major who just walked in “Hey Sir, know what the best part about this stuff?  It’s like T.V. but there are no commercials!”

            So after much research and risk to my safety, I have figured out what is the problem with these guys.  O.K. really after waking from my MORP (Marine Officer Rest Period- a Nap) I remembered my dream  Take care and I’ll talk to you soon,

S/F

Taco

Tags: IED, Iraq, premature detention, TQ